i remember watching the made for television movie “the day after” when i was 10 or so. it was a movie about an atomic bomb being dropped somewhere in america and what would happen in the days following such an event. mainly, lots of people died and it was all quite horrible.

i think of that night as a small turning point in my life. up until then i had believed that people older than myself had all of the answers and pretty much knew everything. after the movie i asked my very old and mature 14 year old sister lots of questions, expecting her to have all of the answers, but she didn’t. older people didn’t know everything. i’m sure to some kids this would have come as a relief, but to me it was a very disheartening realization. i ended up feeling more troubled by the realization than the movie.

now i’m 35 and i don’t feel much more informed than i did at 10. adults don’t have all of the answers, yet we are supposed to make the decisions. i never thought i would be one of the grown-ups and it’s still hard to think of myself that way. yet, here i am…all grown-up.