Tammy Thingelstad

Guest post: brickermc is a working companion of the husband. “brickermc” and the husband get coffee together almost daily. He is a slight man in stature, but not in character. He is funny and hardworking and keeps faith in a softball team that has yet to win a game. I am glad to know brickermc.

Some people love their kids, other people love their pets but me—I love my beverages. I don’t just get something to drink because I’m thirsty. I consume liquid as a meaningful tribute to the four beautiful beverages that give meaning and purpose to my life. Allow me a brief homage to each, keeping in mind that they could never be ranked. For indeed, not one of these beverages could I do without.

Coffee makes me smart, coffee makes me funny, coffee makes me frenetic, coffee makes me me. I know it is a stimulant, that it isn’t good for you, that in regular doses it makes you less thoughtful and angry. I know that the times I’ve kicked the coffee habit my life was more peaceful. But it was so boring sitting around thinking about how much I wanted a cup of coffee!

Drinking fresh squeezed grapefruit juice is like meeting your maker. God wanted us to discover the grapefruit, God wanted us to invent the squeezer, God wanted us to chill the results and then, just before consuming a tall glass, God wanted us lightly mix the drink with a spoon. My Grandmother sends a box of grapefruits every December and I greedily count how many remain after each satisfying glass—how long will they hold out? Currently, it looks like I’ll be set until the first week in January.

Sodas come in all flavors, but for me there is only one worth drinking: Coca-Cola. A perfect fountain Coke, one poured out of a sixteen ounce glass bottle into a tall glass of ice, the can that comes out of the cooler—they all say: prepare to be totally satisfied. I could go on and on about the virtues of a Coke and a Snickers bar for lunch (Dad calls it “the Surgeon General Special”) but either you know this pleasure or you have totally wasted your time on this planet to date.

Last but certainly not least is beer. Sweet, sweet beer. I drink about one beer a day, but I’d drink one beer with every meal and a few in between if I could somehow keep from becoming an alcoholic. In fact, I often drink non-alcoholic beer and I actually enjoy it. Not as good as regular beer, but one zillion times better than a glass of milk. I like all kinds of beer and admire places where beer is given proper respect. Like in England where they do a good job making it and serving it, plus—it’s totally acceptable to have beer at lunch.

Sure, it’s trendy to say that you are defined by your family and possibly more true that you are defined by your job. Some people are defined by their music, their books, their hairstyle or their car. More than any other part of my life, I believe these four beverages define who I am. You can call me Mr. Coffee Grapefruit Coke Beer.